Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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