Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
