Whod you bang
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
