Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
