My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
