The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
