new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
