I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
