it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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