Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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