Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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