i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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