Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
