Swine flu. Run for my life!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
