I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.