who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.