Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.