When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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