this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
