worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
