So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
