if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
