yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
