Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
