The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
