Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
