why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
