It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
