I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
