Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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