Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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