Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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