somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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