end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize