I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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