u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
