She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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