Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
