Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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