Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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