I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
