I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
