just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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