She said her name was "party"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
