did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
