Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
