So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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