drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
