Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
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You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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