I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
