Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
