I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
