I CAN MOONWALK!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
