Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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