is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
