Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
