The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
