Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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