I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
