I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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