His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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