I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am naked and annoyed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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