My friends, they love my intelligence
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
