I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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