I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
