My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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