I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
