Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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