He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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