Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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