All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
