I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
