Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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