rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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