I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
