Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
