Too much gin, very little bucket
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
