I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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