1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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